My favourite email of the year so far. Enjoy :)
"Dear Rob,
Thank you very much for sending me the revised version of Flat And Hard in 2003. (flatandhard is one of my screenplays) Unfortunately your work was misplaced and has only recently been discovered.
I have now had a chance to read it, however we are taking on very few new clients at the moment as we are concerned to keep the client base to a reasonable size and only wish to add to it when we feel very strongly about an author's work. In order to take on a new client, I need to be extremely enthusiastic about both the content and the writing style. I'm sorry to say that I don't feel strongly enough about your work but please do persevere - other agencies will have different priorities and may be in a different situation.
I'm sorry not to be able to help on this occasion, and I apologise for the delay in replying to you. I wish you the best of luck in finding the right agent for your work.
Yours sincerely..."
Yes, he really did say 2003. And yes, it is now 2006. Checking my records, I make that a 3 year 2 month response time. It takes balls to write back after you've lost something for that long. Or a total lack of shame.
Interestingly, this man is the business partner of the granite-balled Sharon Osbourne of literary agents of June 29 2005. He does screenplays, she does books.
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