3 and a half months of post

Get back. Tired and smelly with a load of envelopes from agents waiting for me. This includes:

3 standard rejection letters "we do not feel sufficiently enthusiastic..." blah blah...
At the bottom of one of them it says,

"NB. (in bold) We do not (underlined) look at work of fantasy, poetry, sci-fi or children’s literature."(all bold)

I know this, I think. I didn't send you any fantasy, poetry, sci-fi or children’s literature. Bold or otherwise. Why are you telling me this now?


I also have another really badly photocopied rejection letter dated 18/8/06. Someone has scribbled the ‘8’ out, leaving a big black mess, and put a ‘1’ above it.

From a big publisher, one of the CWA judges I sent it to:
“I thought this was a fascinating idea, however, I’m afraid I don’t think this one is right for my list.”

Followed by another letter with bad syntax and strangled sentences that I won't put up here because:
a) I will look kind of pompous if I post it.
b) I'm bored with badly constructed rejection letters. It's not funny anymore. You'd think that literary agents could get literate people to write their letters. (Cue loads of emails about my crap grammar)

A letter from Alex Garland's agent:
“I have read the material you sent to me and, generally speaking, I thought it was quite good. Your story and charcters bear some resemblance to those from Alex Garland and Will Rhode’s novels and I am not sure if that was a deliberate choice or pure coincidence. The story reads easily and the action is quite fast, which is usually a good point. Personally, I did not like the instrument of your villain’s crimes, but naturally this is very subjective and at the end of the day, it will be up to your potential editor and yourself whether you wish to keep it or change it to something less drastic.”

my thoughts:
a) "Quite good"??? Quite good?????
b) I don't know who Will Rhode is but I'll check.
c) The story and characters have no resemblance to Alex Garland except that one of his books is set in Thailand. As is 'Clipped.'
d) "the action is quite fast"???? Quite fast????????
e) "which is usually a good point" huh? Are you trying to say that here it is not a good point?
f) "I did not like the instrument of your villain’s crimes." You big pussy.


As you can tell it was a long flight, I'm tired, the weather sucks and the Piccadilly line to Heathrow was still buggered. I'll be in a better frame of mind tomorrow.