Nice but dim

Finally! Evidence that someone actually reads slush. JK Rowling’s agency said No but they sent back comments and an individual letter. They are the first agency to do this and I am extremely grateful.
BUT
I don’t want to sound churlish or anything but in my letter I made it clear that my book was a page-turning commercial thriller. So how did they assess it? They took 3 pages at random (1, 5, 7) and them commented on the writing style. Yes, writing style is important but shouldn’t you judge a page-turning thriller by whether you want to keep turning pages?? At least read them in the right order. Grrr.

Not a pleasant lady. But I want her

Another rejection. Another standard letter but with a twist. This agent helpfully recommends her book (MacMillan 14.99) and adds that “if you would like to buy a copy from us for £12 please send…” This is thoughtful of her but I have the book already. I also saw her at a book reading she did in Borders once and she was a bit of a cow. She refused to answer the question I asked then got all stroppy when I asked her again. In the end the man sitting next to me whispered what I wanted to know.
So why did I bother approaching her? Because she’s known for getting mega-bucks deals for first time writers. Like the granite-balled Sharon Osbourne of literary agents.

Things I've learnt

Spent the day phoning agents to check their addresses and asking exactly what they want submitted to them and I noticed two things:

1. A lot of agents (about 30% so far) aren’t accepting ANY submissions at all. Either they’re snowed under with unsolicited stuff or they need to “devote time to existing clients”. Which means I have considerably less potential agencies to approach. On the bright side I will save money on stamps.

2. A lot of agents seem to be one-woman outfits and when I call up I get a terribly well-spoken lady talking very softly, like she’s just come out of hospital. These tend to be in the north and the west of London and invariably they don’t want to read my page-turning serial killer thriller.

Money

Found another website which lists author advances-

£2 million Nicholas Evans for The Horse Whisperer
£100,000 Jake Arnott for The Long Firm and He Kills Coppers
£2,500 J K Rowling for her first book.

6 per cent

Another no. Another standard letter. This one apologises “Please do forgive this not particularly helpful reply.” I try but can’t find it in me.

As each one comes back I send another out.
I’m prepared for at least 20 rejections. Before that I won’t be worried, even though part of me thought one of the first agents would definitely go for it and beg to represent me. I expected long lunches, schmoozing and ego-stroking. Nevermind. Found a Channel 4 website on writing. One author wrote about getting her agent-

“I queried 40 agents, over four months, ten read the entire manuscript, and three made offers of representation - a 6% success ratio.”

Will see if I can beat her.

Number two

Second rejection. Badly photocopied standard letter with big logo at the top “OUR WRITERS MEAN BUSINESS” It goes on to say “We receive 300 submissions per week and can only take on two or three new writers a year.”
How can they hope to find good stuff in that lot? And how can they afford to look at it all? I’m not knocking the agency if they don’t have the resources to read it all properly, but what am I supposed to do???

Number one

My first rejection. A standard letter 'It is not something we feel we could successfully represent.' Took 13 days to get back, quicker than I expected.